Hello Beautiful One,
I owe you an apology. Over the last two weeks, I have been overidden by panic enduced overthinking because I lost sight. I lost sight of what holds me together because I haven't sat with myself in quite a while. Hard to believe, I know, but over the last year I have been on a one track mind to get here. Now that I am here...I guess I can finally take a breath and reflect.
For such a long time I have had one thought: get to California. It was my food, my comfort, my singular purpose that kept me afloat when I was drowining in so many of life's issues. "If I can just get there..." That's what I would say as I was leaking faith and love towards myself and my community. Yes, it has led to me getting here, but now my thought isn't singular. Now, my thoughts are open because I've made it to my place of destiny and therefore a place to take chances.
It's hard to say this, but I think I became so consumed with my vision, my dream, that I forgot my gifts. I didn't care about the bruises along the way. I didn't care to take the pain of my situation and circumstance to create. I didn't cultivate the gifts I have been given to get here, not fully. The Bible says, "don't forsake the gift that was given you", and I think I did in some ways. I'm finding my balance because I believe I'm getting the chance to live fully in who I am. I going to allow myself to feel everything through the gifts I've been given and maybe just maybe...I might live. Not exist...LIVE. Because I see now what happens when I trust my dream more than I trust my gift:
The dream isn't enough to carry you
Don't get me wrong, where there is no vision the people perish, but the thought alone isn't enough to get through the process the dream is going to take you through. This is where the gift comes in. The gift is there to help you process your process.
Your gift establishes who you are
It is easy to get lost in the fantasy. It's easy to get consumed by the thought that one day you'll have what you have visioned, but if you forget your gift you forget yourself. We are defined by our actions as much as our thoughts and your gift establishes you. It connects you to you and when we're not afraid to connect with it, it connects us with others. This is how you define yourself within chasing your dream.
your dream gives you hope, your gift requires faith
Your dream may be the light at the end of YOUR tunnel, but your gift is the flashlight for others to find their way. When you take a step out on your gift, you show that it's possible to get through the dark. You get stronger every time you bear all in front of the world declaring, "Here I am and here I will stand."
When you trust the dream more than your gift you’re like a fish trusting the ocean’s current and not acknowledging your fins. It’s as if you’re a painter waiting for the canvas to speak meanwhile ignoring the voice inside of you. We don’t fear failure, we fear the vulnerability it takes to allow our gift to blossom. All because in order to blossom we have to get into the dirt first as if the dirt isn’t where growth takes place. We pretend love doesn’t come from tragedy, peace doesn’t come from war, and healing doesn’t come from pain. When truth be told, your gift is the greatest companion to help you through the process we call life.
Trust your gift and your dream will come true.
I love you,
G.E.M. Stone
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