Hi Beautiful One,
This week was a rough one. Work was on top of me and honestly by the end I felt pretty beaten up. Every day was a new challenge, and believe me I kicked its ass, but it doesn't mean I didn't get some bruises. It's hard to show up to a job that just pays the bills. It's hard to know I am destined for something great and no one acknowledges it. It is a dangerous pursuit greatness. You will do it alone and you will do it lonely. You'll wonder if it's even worth it...Lord knows this week I wondered that.
I've been fighting to be online, to be present, and the struggle I have with it takes a lot out of me. I keep thinking, "oh just this one week will get me there", or "why don't millions of people follow me yet?" I think maybe my story isn't good enough to reach the masses. I think maybe I should just shut up and clock in to this meaningless place where sitting at a desk eight hours a day will be my norm. A rush of anxiety comes and I get this sinking feeling in my chest, but then I hear her voice. I hear that sweet old woman who would look at me with tears in her eyes and say, "Baby...you're born for greatness, but you'll hurt to get it. You will endure trials, tribulations, and pain. You are going to hurt...but you'll change everything...you'll change the world by changing how people think."
I think about the sacrifice of my Grandmother, my "Me-Me", and her kindness towards me. I think about watching her pray over me when she thought my eyes were closed. Those tears because she knew. She knew in order for me to reach all of you, I would have to endure, but I would also have to show up.
Pain is often the greatest push we could ever recieve to stretch our hands towards the Sun and grasp the courage to stand in the rays revealing our own light. It is our responsibility to shine through every ounce of our darkness because when others are praying for a sign of hope...God sends us. Every tear, every bit of anxiety, every scar, is a reason to push beyond our limits so the next person can see themselves in our struggles. You MUST show up because he needs you. She needs you. They need you. We have to allow people to bask in the warmth, because we may be the only Sun they get to see.
So, now that you have shown up for yourself, here's what to do next:
Hurry up and wait
Elephants are pregnant for two years before they give birth to a three hundred pound baby that literally shakes the ground when it arrives. King David spent DECADES running before becoming king. You may know you're great, but the world has to learn this through your process otherwise your greatness would come and go like the wind.
Give yourself more grace
You are EXACTLY who you believe yourself to be, that is a gift, but can be a curse. This journey you're on is a hard one with twists and turns. You're not going to like every step, but that doesn't give you the right to put yourself down. Only you can carry this cross. You were built for this task and when you believe in that you'll find a way to give yourself a hug when the days get rough. Take your tongue from the roof of your mouth and breathe. It's okay to not be okay and it's okay to be okay.
discipline over motivation
You WILL have bad days, trouble WILL come, but the foundation you have built (or are building) is still there. Those new good habits of showing up are still there. Your bad days can either distract you or push you towards the foundation you have worked so hard on. Your dedication to reaching the mountain that's been calling your name will start to trump those bad days. You'll win by the skin of your teeth, but you WILL win.
I'm having ice cream today and taking a day off, but I am still here. I am still putting in the work and making time for me. It's been a tough week, but that won't stop me, and that shouldn't stop you. You're not alone in this fight. Battles may have been lost, but the war is ours. Victory is ours.
I love you,
G.E.M. Stone
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