Hello Beautiful One,
It's been a long time since we last spoke...life has been a hurricane and the eye of the storm all at once. I listened to the loud voice, the one that tells me all of the time that I can't do this. It's a voice I never learned and yet, it takes me. It's the voice of every unkind comment. It's the projection of everyone else's fear and I have to be honest...I am scared. I am horrified I might make it. I'm horrified I'll make a difference and mess it up because deep down inside I know my power...it frightens me.
I've been trying to beat this cycle of imposter syndrome, this dysfunctional way of looking at the God-given talent I possess. The journey was never meant to break me, but to give me a story to tell. This whole thing called life has been God's way of blessing me with adventures, nightmares, and fantasies to write about. The swelling of my heart is supposed to burst forth with words of fear, sadness, pain, love, elation, and everything in between. None of this was put in place to subdue my hands from the pen and paper, but to push me towards it.
I've adopted new ways to combat the negative voices...I think they will help you. I learned to speak them to myself in the quietness of my mind. I've learned the small voice inside of me speaks the same words. They are words of encouragement and love, words of mercy and peace, words of defense and action. Here's what I say to take the fight to imposter syndrome:
"I am focused on the effort, not the result."
Don't get me wrong it's good to know what you're aiming for, but motivation dries up, discipline shows up. On the hard days when I feel like a fraud because I can't see the results of my labor, I say this to myself. Does it make it better? Meh. Does it get me up for the task? Yes.
"What if it goes right?"
Yeah I am horrified of it going right, but there's a flicker of flame inside when I say this. It's like a glimmer of excitment. Suddenly, I know in my heart I am onto something special. Tears well up in my eyes because I see the same glimmer at the end of what could be a dark tunnel. Afraid or not, my mind starts to play with the idea and before I know it I am facing fear..speaking of fear....
"Do it afraid."
I've been afraid of myself for a long time. I've done this back and forth with my talents for a long time...I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to live a life where all I do is exist, that's not living. Yeah, I don't know if this will make a difference. I have no clue whether or not anyone cares, and the fear plays with those thoughts. It tries to drive the nail into the coffin of past ideas I let die as if I don't have the power to ressurect them. So, I speak these words as a reminder of my power.
All of this to say, here's a thought: we are always one moment away from changing the trajectory of our lives. Moments away from living our dreams. Moments away from finding the love of our life. Moments away from reaching our goals. Moments away from the weight loss. All moments in real time easily ruined by the thought that what we have endured gives us no right to call ourselves authentic. Isn't that silly? How dare you? How dare you look back at your own story and think of yourself as an imposter when you are the one who lived it?
Take back your life and take back your power because you're worth it. You're not doing life alone, not as long as I am here to walk beside you. Everyday is a new page and a new story to tell so, tell it. I'll be waiting to read, hear, and watch all of it.
I love you,
G.E.M. Stone
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