Hello Beautiful One,
I've had an astonishing wake up call, an epiphany, a rather sad realization, but it has opened my eyes to the possibilities of a constantly growing me. A couple of years ago, God really came into my heart and delivered me from my anger. You can imagine after years of being so bitter and angry towards the world and myself how truly relieving it was. It was as if a fog was lifted from my eyes and I could see clearly. I started to remove myself from people, places, and certain types of conversations. I was lighter than air, but behind each layer of healing there's a tougher layer to face. Even though my anger was gone, I was left with something deeper: sadness.
I've had many moments in life where I would just cry and not know what was going on. I'm not afraid to have my moments of ice cream and sappy movies just to feel something, but this sadness was rooted. I had a conversation with my cousin that enlightened my being, but first let me tell a tale of my best friend. From the age of 0 all the way to 14, I knew one thing: my Grandma was a superhero. She made the world seem bright, full of adventure, and just a wonderful place to be in. Every day with her was a fairytale, there were highs and lows and in between. She understood me. Read that last line again. I could be having the worst day, the worst mental break, and she was there were her prayers as a cape and her hugs as a shield to save me. Then, one day she was just gone. She went to sleep and didn't wake back up. That was 16 years ago.
Now, here in 2022 my cousin and I found that I never stopped grieving. I took a deeper look and found that for the last 16 years I have been trying to fill that space. I've been trying to move on and forget because forgetting would take the pain away. My cousin reassured me and said, grieving isn't for the moment, especially for those who changed our lives.
A legacy is a legacy because it leaves an essence behind. Our heroes are our heroes because they showed us that life can be constantly overcome and all we have to do is believe. We become heroes in our own right as we follow the example of those great ones that came before us. Mourning isn't about forgetting, it's about acknowledging the impact one person can have, and praying that you live up to the lessons they left behind while at the same time breaking down every barrier that they paved a way for you to break.
So, now when I'm sad, when I'm overwhelmed by grief, whenever I am lonely, I understand why. I move differently because I understand that the void isn't a void, it's a seed. She planted volumes upon volumes of life lessons and love that I am inclined to share. She never really left me, in her absence is a chance to cultivate 14 years of unconditional love that she showed me and I have the opportunity to plant those seeds to all of you. I hope I leave a legacy like hers behind for all of you to follow.
I love you,
G.E.M. Stone
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